Whether I am rightly called a resident of Toronto?
It would seem that I am not rightly called a resident of Toronto, for:
Objection 1: Place of residence can be inferred from various factors, such as where one receives mail, where one rents property, and where one spends most of one’s time. In my case, for several years all these factors have been true of Ottawa, but not of Toronto. Therefore I am not rightly called a resident of Toronto.
Objection 2: Residency can be predicated of only one locale at any one time. Yet the Government of Canada affirmed in their recent tax package that I am a resident of Ottawa. It follows that I am not rightly called a resident of Toronto.
Objection 3: I am employed in the Ottawa area, yet the distance between Ottawa and Toronto is over 400 km, which is much too far to commute. Therefore I am not rightly called a resident of Toronto.
Objection 4: I have frequently made derisive and insulting comments about Toronto, calling it “Big Smog”, “Slough of Despond”, “Den of Iniquity”, “Great Beast”, “The Seventh Circle”, “Corrupter of Youth”, “Solipsist City”, “Toronto the Bad”, and “Filthy Hog-town”. But “A man’s home is his castle”, and to make such comments about one’s home is thus a kind of treachery and impiety. Yet I am generally considered both loyal and pious. Therefore I am not rightly called a resident of Toronto.
Objection 5: It is well known that I am a “country boy”, and I enjoy country music. Yet Toronto is a seething urban cesspool devoid of rural virtue, where country music is mostly unknown, and, where known, anathema. Therefore I am not rightly called a resident of Toronto.
On The Contrary, my employer has declared to me: “We authorize your relocation from Ottawa to Toronto, effective 31 May 2008.”
I Answer That, place of residence is a mutable property which can be altered by the individual will or by legitimate authority. Furthermore, my beautiful betrothed resides in Toronto, and recalling the truth that “Love is stronger than Death” we understand that my love for her overcomes the many deadly evils which would otherwise prevent my taking up residence in that city. As such, my residency in Ottawa will be terminated on 31 May 2008 and transferred to Toronto.
Therefore I am rightly called a resident of Toronto.
Reply to Objection 1: Historical data can indicate place of past residency, but cannot reliably determine place of future residency.
Reply to Objection 2: Though the Government of Canada is a formidable authority on such matters, the sed contra above indicates that another authority has overridden the previous declaration, authorizing the transfer of residency from Ottawa to Toronto.
Reply to Objection 3: I have been hired by an employer in Toronto, and can therefore reside there without needing to commute to Ottawa.
Reply to Objection 4: When we ascribe a property to a group, we sometimes ascribe the property to every member of the group individually, and sometimes to the group collectively but admit certain exceptions. My disparaging remarks about Toronto were of the second type, and contained an implicit exemption for my home, my fiancée, and my friends. Therefore my remarks indicate neither treachery nor impiety, and the objection is answered.
Reply to Objection 5: It is widely acknowledged that Toronto is a stinking metropolis where one can neither smell the earth nor see the sky. Yet it does not follow that no “country boys” can be found there. Was not Lot saved from Sodom? Nor is it impossible that country music be played within the city, if done in secret.
The movers descend on me in the wee hours tomorrow morning, to tear down my life and stuff it into boxes. It will be some time before it is reconstituted elsewhere. Things will be quiet around here in the meantime.